Imagine a mind brimming with youthful energy yet housed within a body that has gracefully weathered six and a half decades.
I am 65 years old. My mind is 40ish years old. Such a state of affairs is not just a disparity of ages but an exchange of impatience and empathy.
The impatience stems from a lack of empathy—a disconnect between the mind's desires and the body's capabilities. The mind remembers the ease with which it once moved. Yet, it struggles to reconcile this with the body's current state, be it age, or pain related.
I was to discover that I am not alone in this situation.
Dumfries House in Ayrshire, Scotland, is an 18th century stately home and headquarters of The King's Foundation. https://kings-foundation.org/
The King’s Foundation is a charity founded by King Charles III and was first formed in 1990. The charity offers education courses at Dumfries House for over 15,000 students annually and health and wellbeing programmes for nearly 2,000 people annually.
I became one of those 2,000 people after I booked a tour of the house last year.
Let me explain.
Having taken the magical Candlelit tour of the house one Christmas, which included the stunning pink dining room, I was anxious to return for a more comprehensive tour of what must be one of Britain's most beautiful stately homes, to admire the outstanding collection of Chippendale furniture, including the famous bookcase that attracts visitors from all over the world. The tour included rooms on the first floor.
Unfortunately, I had severe pain in my knee and hip that day. I could tackle the stairs like a toddler, right foot up, left foot up, then leading off again with my right leg. I felt embarrassed. I was holding up people much older than I was. Asking for help was not an option for me. I also realised with some clarity that pain and debilitation are not uniquely age-related.
Our minds are vaults of memories, dreams, and aspirations. They hold the essence of our very being, capturing moments of joy, sorrow, and everything in-between. A 40-year-old mind, vibrant and eager, is filled with the energy of mid-life, an age where possibilities seem endless, and the future, a canvas yet to be painted.
My mind says
"Of course you can climb up there?" or " You can easily jump down there"
It seeks adventure, or what I would once have called normality, but this youthful vigour can sometimes overlook the limitations imposed by time and/or pain on the body.
In stark contrast, a 65-year-old body is a testament to resilience and endurance. This body has experienced the world in ways the youthful mind might not fully comprehend. It has scars, both visible and hidden, each telling a story.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia several years ago, and to be honest, being a health professional who was familiar with conditions and disabilities, I did not take much notice. I thought if I ignored it, then it might just go away.
I took painkillers and anti-inflammatories and thought that was all I could do. How wrong was I?
After my Dumfries House debacle, I made an appointment with a physiotherapist at my local doctors' surgery to find out if there were specific exercises I could do to improve my flexibility and reduce pain. There were, but she also mentioned a pain management course at Dumfries House of all places. She explained that patients had to be referred and that it was free to Ayrshire residents registered with a local GP. She put my name on the waiting list, and I waited!
Eventually, I received an email from a lovely lady called Fiona, inviting me to join the group commencing on the 29th of January. It was to be held every week for 6 weeks. She had attached the itinerary, and I studied it, wondering what on earth some of the topics were. Have you heard of EMDR? Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. I hadn’t.
Also included were talks from pharmacists and dieticians, who, if I may say so, could have a literal field day in the organic vegetable gardens at Dumfries House!
Experts in CBT, cognitive behavioural therapy, mindfulness, hypnotherapy, gentle movement, reiki, reflexology, sleep and Tai Chi also came to talk, demonstrate, and coach.
Each week, our group, led by Fiona and Joan, congregated in the delightful Health and Wellbeing Centre. It was only built about six years ago, but you would never guess that. It is tastefully decorated throughout with fireplaces, rustic log baskets, lamps, paintings, drawings, and flowers. There is even an antique rug in the meditation room, so strictly no shoes or hot drinks in there!
There are designated areas for meditation, mindfulness and hypnotherapy, group work and a beautiful reading room to relax in, all set in the middle of the tranquil leafy estate.
Driving up the staddle stone-lined gravel drive towards the house made each visit seem special. I felt so fortunate and grateful to be able to attend.
We were warmly welcomed by the front-of-house staff; everyone was friendly and reassuring. We chatted, listened, learned and shared. We each had different disorders and levels of pain, and I came to realise that far from being alone, there were so many of us in this pain journey together, and undoubtedly, I was one of the more fortunate ones.
I particularly found Tai Chi relaxing and beneficial. Although Tai Chi is slow and gentle, it addresses the key components of fitness, muscle strength, flexibility, and balance. The latter is badly needed by me. I fall over at the drop of a hat, pebble, or stone, and don’t get me started with walking my dog in the mud!
Attending a Tai Chi class would not have entered my head before the course. Now, I can’t wait to join one.
The pharmacist opened my eyes to the benefit of medicine management and revision. After her talk, I spoke to my GP. I am on one new medication, which is proving to be extremely beneficial, and I am taking less medication than before, which I am delighted about. I feel so much better.
At the end of the course, I booked some reflexology. I had tried this therapy before with excellent results, I plan to continue. Who wouldn’t when it can assist with general well-being, pain relief, stress reduction, improved sleep, improved mood, and improved blood and lymph circulation? Fiona has worked in palliative care for many years and knows first-hand the difference reflexology can make.
I am intrigued by EMDR, a psychotherapy that helps people process traumatic memories and relieve symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. I feel the need to explore this further. Joan explained what it was, and I had never thought of myself as a person suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. I associate that with the military or uniformed personnel dealing with traumatic life-changing incidents.
Listening to Joan made me realise that I may have unresolved issues concerning my distressing divorce several years ago.
We learned about CBT. Cognitive therapy examines things you think, and behaviour therapy examines things you do. It can teach us not to listen to our self-critical voice, which can cause so much damage.
My mind was and still is extremely self-critical, even cruel at times. It was a relief to learn that there are ways to control that nasty voice saying things we would not dream of saying to another living soul.
I have signed up for the Mindfulness course. I truly feel there is so much I can benefit from with this. Become more self-aware, calmer, and less stressed. To feel more able to choose how to respond to your thoughts and feelings, cope with difficult or unhelpful thoughts and, most importantly, be kinder towards yourself.
Did my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents cope without all the above? Yes, they did. Or did they?
Times have changed; We have stresses and expectations to deal with that our forebearers could not have imagined, such as social media, peer pressure, computers, pesticides, and food additives, all of which can affect us in many different and mostly negative ways. We must ditch any guilt we are carrying and learn how to help ourselves and, perhaps most importantly, believe we can do it.
We should take more accountability for our health and well-being and not expect a doctor to prescribe a magic pill to make it all better.
How liberating it is to take some control of our ailments if we can and for as long as we can.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank our NHS, Dumfries House Heath & Wellbeing Centre, the splendid team who run the course, and the physiotherapist who added me to the waiting list. I feel like a completely new person. My aches and pains have not changed a huge amount, but my mindset has. I cannot make pain disappear, but I now have tools in my box to control it. I am no longer a sufferer depending on a pill, or 2, or 3.
So, to conclude, while my body may not possess the same agility it once had, it carries a wisdom of its own. It understands the importance of caution, the need for rest, and the value of pacing oneself, it is an archive of lived experiences.
When a youthful mind inhabits an aged body, the dialogue between the two can be fraught with tension, like the parent of a teenager. The mind, relentless in its quest for more, can often be impatient with the body's slower pace. It can fail to understand why climbing that hill is now a Herculean task or why jumping from a height feels daunting and that the knees won’t withstand the impact of the jump.
It is essential to cultivate empathy between the mind and body. This begins with acknowledgment, identifying that both entities, though seemingly at odds, are part of a cohesive whole.
Similarly, the body can benefit from the mind's youthful spirit. By embracing a mindset of curiosity and willingness, the body can find new ways to engage with the world. This does not mean pushing beyond its limits but rather discovering new forms of movement and expression that align with its current state.
As we age, the relationship between our mind and body will continue to evolve. There will be moments of discord but also opportunities for harmony. By fostering a dialogue of patience and empathy, we can bridge the gap between the two and nurture a holistic sense of self.
Delapsa Resurgam, When I fall, I shall rise.
Photographs were taken by JHW 2025
Jacqueline Heron Wray February 2025.
I found the statements in bold below at https://kings-foundation.org/ and would urge you to visit this amazing website for more information.
‘The Kings Foundation works globally to create sustainable communities through our placemaking projects and transform lives through our practical education programmes.
We advocate for the change His Majesty wants to see in the world.
Cutting across a range of sectors, disciplines and levels, The King’s Foundation represents areas where The King has been decades ahead of the curve, including in education and sustainability, farming and agriculture, traditional arts and crafts, health and wellbeing, and architecture and urbanism.
We provide education, public services and consultancy across these sectors in the UK and around the world.
Dumfries House
At our headquarters on the Dumfries House Estate in Ayrshire, Scotland, we run a diverse portfolio of education programmes covering many of our subject areas including textiles, hospitality, building crafts, STEM, food, farming, and horticulture.’
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